On my death bed

laying on my death bed, nothing to be said, just the eye glittering as it sees the last
views and the last scenes, and a tiny tear  drop cross the cheek and falls on my pillow
when i imagine the crowds on my grave crying and weeping, the worst feeling a
human can feel when he loses ones dear to his heart, but then i comeback to the
reality phase of the world, passing my last hours or maybe minuits of my life
and now um considered under the expression "dying",
when all those flashbacks came to me,
my childhood, when my mother was holding me and smiling, when people who
were dear to my heart were there and then they died and I missed them alot, do u think
my soul will meet theirs?, and just came the idea and a smile on my face with more
tears, will they know me or even take notice that i was that lil boy they used to play
with and pumper.. ?, i dunno and none knows if the truth about death is the end
or just a transmission of part of ur mental ability to another world or another space,

Hands on the chest and eyes are closing, but still thinking is this my last day, won't
i see these people around me, will i see those people who left me before ?
lots of questions but still no answer comes to my mind, just my mind arrogate saying
"wait and u will see", but for what can i wait, i dun wanna leave the now and search
for the shaded future, but still i have too, if atleast every man can know his future
why would we live in fear of the time?, that what differs a man from another, his
confidence and realibilty, love and passion for what he needs  and what he wants..
minuite after another pass and I i search for the thing that is lost a bit by a bit,
the death that comes slowly, covering an inch and again another inch, till it will
arive to me...

My family is gathering and my friends looking at me, trying to give me strenght
and courage, telling me to stand and bear the pain, and nothing will happen
saying that everything will be fine... but how can  they know, i have seen dead,
i have heard every day and every minuite that someone died, if he was close to me
or someone i dunno, but none of those was their with my family to tell me what
is going to happen to me, who should i trust if none experienced death before
calling back and my eye ball rotates in its place looking for the calender, i want to
know in which day, when i knew, it rotates again looking for the nearest clock in my
eye-sight looking for time that was passing realle slowly and nothing i can think
of except the pain in my heart, in my mind, i cant stop thinking, i can stop my heart
beats, i cant stop my stomach ache, i was afraid, as if i was going to an exam or
an interview for a newjob, the same feeling is here now but i cant do anything about
it...

Was i a sinner or was i a saint ?
Will my place be heaven or hell ?
came these feeling to me and i began to temper and shake, my hands and cries
i leave u my lovers to undefinite state, i leave u but u have to know my heart is filled
with ur love, try to pray on my soul, try to find my way outta hell, I just came
realle late thinking of this issue, if only i knew my death day !!!!!